| Since i had an update recently anyway, might as well continue |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|11:51 pm] |
Well I figured I'd update any of those people who still have me on their friends list with my current plans for my life. First off currently I'm working towards a career in Anglo-French Paleography. Yes this is very much a small field and hard to break into but it looks fun and definately seems interesting. For those that don't know Anglo-French (also known as Anglo-Norman) is the language spoken by the English Royalty for about 300-400 years after being conquered (large debate on actual method and whether or not they were truely conquered but i use it for simplicity sake) in 1066 by William the Conqueror. There is a large cache of documents throughout England that have not been translated.. (partially because most English refuse to admit not only were they ruled by the French but that they spoke French in any form. So this stuff is ignored due to not fitting into the literary canon.) I am currently finishing my B.A. in history and will be done in Dec. 08. For those of you that don't remember this January I will be 24 so I'm a little late getting out but meh I still know some 27 or 28 year olds (I can't remember her age) still attempting to get a B.A. so meh. Anyway I have looked at a variety of different ways to get the knowledge I want. There are 4 schools in North America that offer at least a decent certificate in Medieval Studies, as well as Paleography and 3/4 of them have a decent Medieval French department. They are UCSB, University of Toronto, Ohio State University, and UVA. This is of course only listing schools I can get into (Harvard, Cornell, Notre Dame, all have a decent stake in the programs as well but meh) Abroad there is the National Ireland University and the University of East Anglia, as well as The Medieval studies program at York University. Problem is with abroad Universities is not only do they require more money to get out there i'd essentially be stuck if I can't find work out there, despite these would be closer to the Documents I'd want. So I have the option of either working on getting money ot go abroad or working to get a job within the state of the Grad school i want and working towards getting residency and then reduced costs on my tuition as well as hopefully state help and all that other fun crap thats associated with Grad schools.
What has me the most worried however is that many people have told me time and again to do Grad school in the Country I want to work in, especially if I want to teach on the side at the University Level. This means ideally working towards going to University of York or University of East Anglia would be ideal because they would be in England though the MEdieval studies degrees at NIU are completely focused around Paleography which would be equally good. But then comes in the money factor as well as I have to go back for a Ph.D. at some point because the field of Paleography, and even teaching to a degree is usually only respected if you have a Doctorate or higher (at least at the level I want to teach at).
I mean despite all this theres also the timelimit i placed on myself, I would like to have all this done by the time i'm 35 so that means 11 years from the time I leave college. If you assume 3 years for M.A. and 6 years for Ph.D. that means that there is ~2 years in which I am able to screw around. So then the question is do I work somewhere and get money to go abroad, or Do I work somewhere to obtain residency. I would like to go to UCSB if i had the choice of state schools but even then CA cost of living would be higher which means that if i decided to try for abroad it wouldn't be good, but if I was not able to pull off abroad it would be better to have residency. I dunno that's what's currently on my plate for attempting to figure out life after college. |
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| Existance |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|05:19 am] |
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Existance permiates a line between reality and dreams, Insomnia allows you to take that line and play hell with it. Sweet Jeebus I wish I could sleep. |
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| So yahh |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|08:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  shocked | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Corpse Bride - Piano Solo | ] |
So yahh I was walking home minding me own business when a car rolls past me doing like 30 or 40 fairly quick.. All the sudden i hears this bang noise (not gunshot more like when you kick a rock only like 20 times louder) and less than a second later i feel a pain around the bottom of my right ribcage. I look down my shirt isn't torn or anything so i say meh its only a bruise. I walk to CVS and back and get home lift up the shirt.. yahh theres a raised area about the size of a quarter complete with a cut about a centimeter or so across. So yahh that was just the trip home from class hopefully the rest of my day goes better and i don't end up infected or breathing problems or anything else that could be associated with that area/manner of cut |
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| Kitty |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|02:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Amused but stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | purrrrring kitty | ] |
I'm sitting here wondering many things including why the hell I'm still awake. What will tommorow bring. Why haven't i finished this damn paper yet among others. but there is something magical sitting on top of me that makes me forget all these problems worries doubts. That is the awetastic beautiful hanabi-chan. In her purryness i forget many things.
In real news though this past week kinda sucked i kept ending up saying and doing stuff i regretted doing or not following through on. Though yesterday was kinda fun I ended up walking around with mike. Next weekend I'm gonna go meet a bucnh of people in the Red Eye Theater group. Mike keeps telling me (among other people) to try out for a play rather than automatically retreating to stage hand position. I'm still a little nervous but i guess when it comes up again i will attempt to try out for one of the parts rather than hiding in the background. I can always just run back there anyway if i don't get it. Although at one point during the walking around we ended up in a shopping district and in many different shops. I ended up flirting with one of the cashiers then leaving. I felt kinda good afterwards and she was flirting back.. but i realized afterwards i never got a name, number or anything and feel kinda sheepish going back into that shop just to flirt but in reality it was just fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|09:26 am] |
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Scratch that... Apparently Verizon doesn't want me to have internet till the 6th but they never bothered to disconnect the line... or My yelling did something. The internet works fine now that I've installed it... Though Verizon is still stating the 6th of September is when I'll have internet.. Funny how things work like that |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|03:09 pm] |
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Quick post - My internet theiving days are over since the people I was stealing from ended up killing their router... Oh well I guess I'll just have to wait till Sept 6th and use the library whenever I need service. |
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| Post Carriage Driving Post |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|10:32 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Upbeat | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Belafonte - Man Smart (Woman Smarter) | ] |
Well after everything was said and done I did make some sweet money and had I stayed on would prolly have continued to. I didn't make enough to start rebuilding my computer, but thats something that well will just have to wait. I can always start rebuilding it later and it still plays FFXI which is really about the only computer game I'm gonna have time for starting next week. I had so much fun doing carriage driving though and prolly will continue to do it during breaks... mebbe even during the summer to make some extra money, its far off but I'd have to find someone to take my cat for a couple of months if I do that. During the winter breaks it will probably work out but during summer and such mebbe not. It also boosted my confidence extrodinarily.
I did finally find an apartment, its a 1-bedroom apartment like 6 blocks from campus. This apartment actually has more space at the moment than I know what to do with. Which I honestly think is a benefit. Because I have so much white space my dad is going to build me custom bookshelves (one for books, one for dvds), which should be sweet. One of them is going to be a five foot tall bookshelf for just DVDs the other is going to be up to an 8x6 foot bookshelf for my books and other such. it should be fun. I'm working towards getting my posters back up on the wall as well as my whiteboard. Also I've bothered the apartment manager like 20 times to put in the air conditioner in the front window and he seems to be taking forever to do it. Even though its saturday I guess I should bother him about it.
I live in the top floor of an apartment building in apartment number 6 the guys who live in this apartment building (strangely enough all guys even though it wasn't planned that way) are all pretty cool from what I can tell. The guys below me I haven't heard anything from which means they don't mind my bass. The guys accross the hall are pretty nice. I know the people on the first floor by sight but nothing more yet, though they just moved in as well. I am becoming good friends with the brothers in Apartment number 3.
One of the brothers Mike helped me move in and has been hanging out with me more often than not over the last week. He even threw a kinda weak party last nite but it was nice to meet all the incoming freshmen that he knew. It then died for like ever then started back up again. Unfortunately the second time around was mostly uncute gay guys which were fun to meet but no one to really flirt with (hehe). His brother CJ i didn't meet until last night it turned out he's really cool as well They are both highly into card games, video games, anime, D&D, and other common interests. His brother isn't around as much since his brother is in Graduate school but whatever.
Speaking of gaming I already found the local gaming shop (complete with open gaming 12-5 on Sunday as well as a variety of events during the week). Its amazingly about 5 blocks from my house (may not be all that good of a thing). I'm going to open gaming this weekend with Mike not only just to game (because its fun) but possibly to scout out a GM for a D&D game. His brother used to GM but wants to play this time understandably so I need to find another GM. I could prolly use with another 1 -3 players to bring the number of players up to 4 - 6, but whatever. It should be fun to get another gaming group up and even if not the guy at the gaming store said that we could get events up such as a Munchkin Marathon or something.
My cat is being funny she was like scared as shit of everything for a while now she's back to her old friendly self on like hyperdrive. She even comes up to strangers and nuzzles the fuck out of them hehe. It would be funny except the person she's taken most to just happens to be the same person who has allergies to her that haven't turned off yet. Mike from downstairs. Well thats the person who isn't me anyway. She has been in hyper cute mode and usually will come over any time I'm lying down or sitting down and just kinda be there. Its comforting and warm and fuzzy hehe.
My internet isn't up yet I'm stealing from the house behind me. Of course Verizon hasn't sent me my new router so I can't even steal it effectively using the laptop that I borrowed from my mom as a giant wireless attenna. They orignally told me yesterday or monday was supposed to be my access date now it looks more towards the 6th or so of September. But once I get the router at least I'll have bootleg internet.
My final thing is I start classes this monday as I may have mentioned. Here is my class scheduale:
Indo-European Folktales - MW - 10-11AM W - 1-2PM
East Asian Civilization to 1800 - MWR - 11-12
Introduction to Cognitive Sciences - MW - 3-4:15PM
Aspects of Language - T - 6-8:30
Arthurian Legend & Cult Change - W - 6-8:30PM
So MW are the annoying days Tuesday I have one evening class and thursday I have on Recitation and then I have off the weekend. So even though W is hellish and Monday is almost equally so at least I have enough time to do homework if they are being annoying.
Well I'm off to go do something for a while. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2006|08:07 am] |
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AHHAHAHAHA I am a liscened carriage driver. Doesn't that just scare all of you.... more to follow later on I'm off to go make MONEY!!!!!! |
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| I AM STILL THE MUSHROOM KING!!!! |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|04:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Undergrads Theme Song | ] |
Well I am actually starting to get back my life under control. As I've stated before I have not found an apartment yet. I'm starting to get a little worried about it but then again if need be I can go get an apartment. Possibly a studio or a 1 Bedroom. I'm hoping for a 1 bedroom just so I can have a living room type atmosphere as well. But I'm still looking. I have about 3 messages left on various peoples answering machines. But anyway hehee.
Secondly the part that is most fun to talk about, I am tan. And this is not something that is by chance or anything I actually found an outdoor job I like. I am driving carriages downtown. I am less than a week away from actually being liscensed to drive the carriages solo. I can't wait to see what comes from that. At the quotes I've been given for amount of money people are earning its upwards of 2 to 3 times the amount after taxes I was making at Petsmart. And theres a lot less stress a lot less crap a lot less everything but hell i make more money and stuff. Hehehehe I get to play with lots of Horses, And I am outside. Who'd of thunk it.
In other news I am glad I have such a different job which makes more money as I am currently thinking its about time my computer needs an upgrade. Since I killed the AGP slot in my computer and then used a PCI graphix Card I found that there are multiple games that are coming out I can't play. Le sigh. My laptop doesn't want to work in this heat either. So therefore I'm kinda screwed. hehe but I'm working towards building an uber computer to last me another 3 to 5 years.
But yahh I'm meeting people. I'm having fun. And I'm making money... And my confidence keeps rising since I have to talk to everyone in order to make money. hehe and by the way I AM STILL THE MUSHROOM KING. btw I miss all of you who read this journal and I can't see for one reason or another. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|08:07 am] |
Another Post another rant. I have been depressed very much recently and very happy at the same time. I dunno I've been depressed and stress out because work sucks nutz. Beyond the normal shit recently I've been having more and more blow ups if it isn't the fish system screwing up, a 60 dollar reptile escapes, or the district manager shows up, or they are wondering why the hell my department doesn't look spectacular when their departments (the other managers) look like shit too. I'm just fucking sick of it. I tried to get out... I tried to take another job in website design it was going to pay almost double what i currently make and be about half the work. Though the stupid people prolly took my ideas and ran just like everyone does. Well I have the last laugh, their stupid website isn't even secure, I just have to wait and they will eventually get sued for identity theft and then my 5k will seem like pocket change in comparison to what they have to pay.
I've now looked at another job for the next 2 or so months until i go out to Pittsburgh. I've found one place that may hire me in the meantime but unfortunately I have to hope they respond soon so therefore i can give 2 weeks notice. I'm currently looking to work for a tour group of central philadelphia, The pay will prolly be a downgrade but someone who I work with used to do the carriage horse tours and made a good 4-5k a week just by commissions and tips. I'm going for walking tours but still It doesn't sound like it would be bad.Besdies it will give me a chance to work outside for a while.
I have almost finished with Savoy. Man those performances were hella fun. They really did brighten my mood for a while. I still have to go load crap into the truck today which should be fun to see all of them again. Also I've got the last party next satuday night. It should be such wonderrrrrrrful fun. And should brighten my mood again ehhe. The people are wonderful. They did throw me out on the last performance in a dress well I decided to take it a step farther and wore a dress to the cast party afterwards. I had my my beard and mustache shaved off... I really need to get my mustache back at least... I'll prolly grow back in the fuzzy stuff at the bottom as well.
I've been having trouble with U of Pitt so far. I've been having some trouble getting there bvecause at the moment I still haven't found someone to live with out there. IT sucks but oh well. hopefully something randomly appears or one of these like 20 people i've sent messages will eventually respond to me. otherwise next month i'll have to rent a single apartment for a 6 month to a year lease. Hopefully I can work something out so I'm not living by myself but if I can work it I'll definately want to live with someone. I'm not too worried my life has a way of balancing out.
I have also been getting a lot closer to some of my friends which makes me happy I've even run into people that I haven't seen in 3 years its amazing how life works. The only problem is most of them are leaving or I'm leaving to different things so its like one last closeness for a good long while. When i get to pittsburgh I hope to find people who are just as zany so I don't have suppress these urges to be silly and random and wierd and make cat noises and such. I know most of them are off getting together the rest of their life while i'm just trying to get through college still but i tried the whole living life without it and found it sucks.
So yahh it appears my life is still balancing out like it alwasy does hopefully stuff comes together so i can get out of working for petsmart for the next 2 months but otherwise i guess i'll just have to deal with it. ahhh well. |
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| A melancholy post driven by a melancholy day |
[May. 8th, 2006|06:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | odd | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing but the hum of a computer fan in the growing darknes | ] |
To my darling Angel,
I fear my love has almost died out. I wish forever to see your face, to hold you in my arms, to forever dream of you. I miss you like the sun misses the moon, the flower the sun. I hope that my days without you are numbered and that you will journey into my life once more.
The days pass slowly and I fear that my days will only get longer as the time draws near. I would stop the moon in its tracks just to stay with you for a little while longer. I wish to feel the caress of your hand upon my face. The feeling of joy when my hands enclose yours. I wish to feel the sparks of your hugs and the fireworks of your kiss.
To My Lonely Angel,
I wish for your journey to be swift
I hope that very soon we will meet
And neither of us will remain alone for very long. |
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| Update on the home front. |
[Apr. 21st, 2006|07:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Spaced Out | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beck -Spice of Life | ] |
Currently I have gotten into U of Pitt and Westchester. My parents are pushing for me to just go to U of Pitt and I think I agree with them. Swarthmore never responded back and was in reality out of my price range anyway. But that's okay. I think after a while I accepted Swarthmore was a little out anyway. Of course this means I need to go online and decide on a wide selection of apartments in and around the campus. Then I want to go out and see them so I guess I have to scheduale off some weekend sometime in the near future. But that means I have to take off Savoy as well... so this isn't gonna be pretty no matter what I do. But I'll prolly go out and look sometime soon because I don't want another Arizona thing where the apartment is 4 miles out and horrrrendous, with me without a car.
On the second front I have gotten Treasures of Aht Urghan for FFXI. There is a problem with this though Because of my work scheduale I can't play it... Hopefully next week with so many early days and no ability to scheduale flights due to such a shitty work week as well as having to go deal with crap on wednesday I may actually get to play it. Well Star wars is cancelled prolly tommorow anyway so I'll at least be able to play it tonite and tommorow nite. This time I'm going back to my original promise to myself. I'm gonna stop relying on hint guides and walkthroughs and just play the game. If i get horrendously lost and die somewhere that's all part of the fun. There are certain things I'm not horrendously fond of by Squeenix. Mainly the initial quest to start is like not set up at all. This makes it so I've been relying on in game rumors. I found the quest just wished there was someone in Mhuara who would've led me there because Squeenix only revealed the ship would leave from Mhuara. meh.
Finally I'm horrendously glad that in less than 4 months I will be no longer working for Petsmart. This position would be wonderful in a working store but..... HA! Anyway I'm just fustrated, tired, bored, depressed, and don't feel like I'm working towards anything. Everytime I get one step forward either the systems or my people drag me back 10. I'm working to get rid of a few of them but....
Anyway.... Now return to your normal lives... mine is uneventful... but i'm about to go flying so I'll talk to you later. |
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| Yay! Emo Rants are fun |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Stir Crazy and Lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mog House Music From FFXI | ] |
I am currently on Day 9 of 12 of being out in Westminster MD for training. I just completed the day and have found the past week I have learned like very little actual usable knowledge. They made it sound so much better the training but in reality it hasn't been so good. The guy who is the primary store manager is barely there, they want us to learn from manuals, but half of them have been updated or don't exist anymore. They ask us to follow a variety of different things and it just seems so very.... stupid to be out here.
I'm also just sick of this place theres absolutely nothing to do in this town... the movie theater is about it and even that only one thing that is shown there i even have any desire to see. I dunno I'm depressed, stir-crazy and bored and can't find a reason why I'm out here other than a 2 week vacation to nowhere. They are starting to use us for free labor as well which kinda seems a little.. well retarded since I have been hearing from my manager our system back at my petsmart has been blowing up left and right (figuratively not literrally though I have heard rumors that theres a possibility that you can). I dunno I'm like fed up with training and fed up with being out here. I just want to escape and run away somewhere but don't know where to run.
I feel like I'm still in a rutt and until something changes in my life which won't happen until September I'll prolly remain that way. I'm no longer even on the list for Fall admissions for Swarthmore and barely gonna make the cutoffs for West Chester at least Pittsburgh has a rolling admission so I will be able to attempt to get in there. I just feel lonely and depressed and miss my kitty. She hasn't seen me in a week and a half and I'm sure she's prolly driving holly bonkers.
I dunno I just feel so very stupid for being out here and learning nothing so I have nothing to help fix the problems that are happening in my store.
Well at least its over Friday... I'll prolly buy like 3 or 4 monster and power chug them before i leave work on friday night and then drive the 3 hours back at 10:30 at nite jsut to get the fuck out of dodge.
And now for the interesting quote for the week... "Petsmart Brand Common Sense, indistinguishable from the original except it doesn't exist. Now in can format." |
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| Gonna be interesting.... |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|09:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Seeing Pretty Colors | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gorrillaz 19-2000 (Soul Child Remix) | ] |
Today I leave for a 2 week training seminar for work. I was actually supposed to go on this on my second week of becoming a manager. Its been... a month or so now kinda wow when you think about it. Anyway I have to go down to Westminster MD. If its as dreary as I think it is this is gonna be two weeks of me going to work and coming back to my hotel room and goofing off. Possibly I'll go to a club or a movie or something while I'm down there... Mebbe I'll make friends with one of the other managers and goof off with them. Who knows. I will be bringing my laptop and since I am stayinga t a Best Western hopefully everything works out. I also am bringing my PS2 and on Tuesday possibly seeing if I can't rummage up a copy of Kingdom Hearts II though since its one of those ANTICIPATED games no matter where I look come Tuesday I prolly won't be able to find a copy. Anyway back to your respective lives and me running around making sure I packed everything I need/want for this trip. |
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| Final Fantasy woes.... |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Comtemplative but also mopey | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ending song to Final Destination II | ] |
I found this http://koti.phnet.fi/santamik/FFXI/meetingagain-en.swf completely by accident again today and it really made me think. It really made me question why I was spending so much time chasing after my leveling party to catch up to level with them. It really made me think why I was so concerned with the almighty lvl 75. It really made me think of my first times in final fantasy and the joy and thrill of some of the quests. The first time I partied with the random people in La Theine Plateau, Thanatos or something similiar. The first time I was given a linkshell, Catlovers was the name of it. It was an absolutely horrendous ls but it was a wonderful feeling nevertheless. I remember getting partying as a blm/thf a completely laughable subjob but.. it was fun nevertheless. I remember the thrill of partying and the thrill of a new area. I remember once I got whm to 25 the ability to sneak/invis and explore a variety of places. I remember running around the town and grabbing as many of the quests as I could. I remember talking to anyone else again in order to figure out the quests never looking online for the answer. Shunning any help from anyone who hadn't figured it out themselves, or at least tried it before they did. I remember the oddness and the wierdness that was promyvian holla and the 6 hours that it took to get up to the end... how we started with 12 members and how we ended up with 6 at the final boss. I remember how we all died but how fun it was. I remember when I got Holly started and the joy i felt giving her the game.
I also remember the sad times. The times when people started quitting, I remember when the ls had broken up. I remember when people outleveled me, I remember when everyone kinda drifted apart. I even remember when I switched ls around. I remember how it felt when my roomate Matt from Arizona had quit the game. I remember when the people in the LS i was in decided to go do quests then tell me about them. I feel bad whenever I talk about quests so animately with Val and then realize that there's something standing in the way of her coming and doing some of these things with us. I know those feelings well... and know what its like to have everyone a lot higher level than you. To hear so much about these various quests and yet have no way to deal with it.
I wish I could go back to these simple times in Final fantasy. Those early levels when everything seemed so new, so fresh, so odd. I leveled theif to 15 without even getting a party, not because I wanted not to level in a group, but because it was fun to just be out there and leveling. When my favorite ls Onyxvelvan broke up due to a stupid thing I felt bad. A lot of people quit after that. Some of their characters came back, some never will. I felt kinda sad at their passing.
I realize fully that it is just a game, I realize fully that life is more important, but after 2 and a half years of being in a world which is rich with life, you start to gain friendships, you start to gain adventuring buddies. But as most people have found when you ask them, when did it start being about how many levels can I gain, how good or bad this exp party was. I feel like I've lost something in these last couple months where all i've focused on is leveling to 75. I finally decided to try and regather my original dream on this by going back and leveling one of my lower jobs. I am working towards getting all the items that I want before I level summoner. I hope that the new expansion will realight my fire for exploring as well as hopefully when I get to sea and sky access I can actually explore there.
It is a wonderful thing to realize the various things that are out there in the world of Vana'deil but you have to stop leveling for a while and look for the finer points in the world. I thought everything was going bad because my leveling party decided to level past me but in reality it just made me stop and realize that I was stupid for deciding that leveling that fast was all that mattered.
In other news despite getting the manager promotion I am finally considering going back to college. I'm currently filling out applications to go back to college, I hope to major in history, if i can get it I hope to do a Medieval studies degree. There are two obvious paths from here I can either become a teacher which I plan to get the extra certification for, or I can become an archivist. Both of which I'm cool with, since so many of the records nowadays are being digitized my computer skills will not be wasted. The third and less obvious path is this will give me enough backing to possibly be able to convince a publishing company to fund my book. If i go with the teacher route I will still be able to get 3 months in which i can travel in. I am considering West Chester University, Swarthmore, and possibly 2 or 3 others. I'm still looking and deciding over the next couple days and hopefully everything works out for the best.
Well I'm off to go get my carbuncle mitts... what fun that will be hehe.. I might even get a light spirit pact... that should be cool. |
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| As the Corporate Bullshit approaches |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|07:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stellvia-Intro | ] |
I realize the holiday coming up is little more than a oversexxed america deciding that there should be a day for love and the card companies agree. I realize that i shouldn't feel bad that i'm still alone after 3-4 years. I know that things will change eventually. I realize all of this but i still feel just the slightest bit lonely. I miss being able to wake up beside someone i love who I can cuddle with and who is there just for me.....
but i realize that there is someone already there. Someone who waits for me to return home, someone who guards my sleep, someone who tries their best to be close to me when i awake in the morning. someone who just wants to snuggle. Someone who has been there for 1 year and a half. I of course mean Hanabi, my cat. She is the world to me and all i need to love in the world... but despite her affection it still would be nice to have someone... human.... |
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| Merggggggh |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|06:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oompa Loompas - Mike Tevee | ] |
Well... Good news is my life is taking an upturn.... bad news is.... I don't seem to have time to sleep anymore. I'm up at 5:30-6 every morning till around 12 Midnight most nites now. This is playing hell with my immune system, I'm actually sick again. I'm never sick... but I can't do what I normally do and sleep it off. Especially since I have to prepare for a variety of things that happen in the next few days. My manager of Petsmart got fired so therefore for the past 2 or so weeks there hasn't been a single lick of authority directly above my department. Obviously except for about 2 or 3 of us.... there aren't many people self-motivated. I've applied for the position but I won't know anything till prolly next week sometime and while it looks hopeful I'm trying not to be too hopeful. Also last night I purchased the Jurrasic Park Adventure set among other things and found out one of the discs has a defect in it... now i have to work around my sceaduale in order to return it. But at least I got my Serenity... though that was a nightmare as it was the last reserve copy left that got stuck somewhere. Normally by this point that copy would've been sold but.... I was lucky.
As I said before my life is kinda stuck in a rut but at least its getting shallower and shallower every day... Unfortunately my rut is filled with fishwater every day but.... meh. Another thing that happened over the weekend is someone who I have thought about but haven't talked to's grandmother died over the weekend. I sent her an email expressing my condolences, even though I want a response something tells me my message will be ignored.... Ah well... good for me anyway.
Savoy the playgroup I'm a part of starts on Firday. This first meeting though is just a glorified party. So that should be fun.
Also in FFXI (yes if i didn't say before i did restart playing this) I have been getting farther and farther with my whm its now 65 as well as a bunch of my other jobs, quests, missions i was meaning to do before I left the game have slowly been leveled up or gotten done. It feels good to play again and this time I'm not going to shirk my work just because I'm playing FFXI.
I'm hoping everything goes through on this manager job.. it will open quite a few opportunities which were previously closed to me before.... also it will provide financial stability which is something I haven't had in a very very long time... almost as long ago as I've been on a date :-P.... but its the waiting game that gets to me... that and dealing with bullshit I shouldn't have to deal with at both of my jobs. Well I'm off to go to play with the fishies. See ya All Later |
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| I forgot to mention |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|04:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing its 4 bleepin 30 AM | ] |
Another thing that has me down is recently my car situation has been upset big time. The Honda Accord my parents inherited from my Grandmother when she passed away almost 2 years ago was sandwiched between 2 SUVs. Worse yet its been hell trying to get the person who caused the accident (the one behind me) to fess up to it and also for their insurance to pay out. This is has meant lots of headaches for me as I'm currently up at before the Crack of Dawn in order to take a train to my parents house to try and get to work by 7AM..... This is not my idea of.... well fun. There is a good chance it will be fixed by the end of next week but thats only if the body shop fixes it and if they get the money from the insurance by then. So I'm stuck without a car but don't have the money yet to afford one because of the delicate balance (which was also upset... see previous post) that my finances are in. Hopefully something happens soon to remedy this but yahh... I'm just annoyed and pissed and want to go back to bed.
*EDIT* Unfortunately I found out there isn't a train going to where I need to be until 6:30.... what a bloody mess this is turning out to be which means my mom has to come pick me up from here and then take me out there... which completely plays hell with her morning scheaduale too. |
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| A real post filled with uncertainity and doubt |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|11:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beck - I've Got a Feeling | ] |
I dunno recently I've grown to resent the life I lead. A few things happened that showed what a fragile balance my life is in at the moment. I now have decided to try and work towards a better life where I'm not living from paycheck to paycheck but not exactly sure what I want to do with my life in order to do this. I have some ideas, currently I'm training. No I won't tell you in what but when its over I'll be able to pick up a fairly well paying job mostly anywhere. Also recently I've noticed that I'm growing less and less fond of the area I'm currently in. I don't know... I just feel so confused... I plan to stay in this area for at least a year to a year and a half in order to finish my training but after that... I dont' knwo where I'll be. Mebbe the somewhere lost in the U.S. mebbe somewhere in Europe, mebbe who knows. I just don't want to be in Pennsylvania anymore. It won't feel like home come September... it won't feel like much of anything. I want to move away but I promised myself that I will complete my training and there isn't anything thats gonna stand in the way of that... after that I'll consider possibly working towards a 4 year degree in something possibly photography or something and then start to look for ways to combine the two. Mebbe I can get a good job doing that... or at least a good ride for a while. Well my thoughts are topsy turvy but because I don't have a car currently I have to get up for a 5:30 train tommmorow morning so I better go to bed now. See you all later.... hopefully my life works out and turns around... honestly now I figure I'll find where my life is gonna take me first and then worry about love if I haven't found it after I get there. |
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| Real post due to follow any day now |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|08:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Monty Python - His Name is Lancelot | ] |
Well Happy New Year everyone. I'm up way to early today because I have to go to work, but I just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. All I really wanna do at this point is go back to bed hehe.
Oh and if i read the sceduale right because everyone decided to call out today I unfortunately have 4 hours I'm working my department by myself. This is something I haven't done before and its good and bad. Its good because it means they trust me enough to get everything done. Obviously they are prepping me for mangerial staff (yahh yahh I know I'm prolly just blowing up nothing more than a schedualing snafu but still I've got to justify it to myself somehow... otherwise they are just out to get me). But yahh... so I'm gonna go to work soon and try and do this with a headache, a handache, and a fuzzy mind. |
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moakster's journal